March-May

So it's been two months since I've posted anything on my blog. It's really hard to keep up with when you don't have a computer of your own, also when you have a five month old daughter who takes up just about every waking moment. My husband and I used to have our own computer but we lost it in one of our various moves. Which really sucks cuz it was such a nice laptop. Anyway, The last two months have gone by pretty fast although it feels like it's been a lot more than two months since I last posted on here. Life has been crazy and hectic. My husband is working nights at WalMart, which sucks so bad. It's really hard. He goes to work at night and he sleeps all day long, so we don't get a lot of time together. On his days off, he tries to just come home and stay up until I go to bed but he gets cranky and doesn't want to do anything and I almost wish he would just go to sleep but the next day is nice when we get to spend the whole day together both of us well slept. He helps me with Lilly so much more on his second and third days off. It's so nice and than he goes back to work and we are back to square one and we fight a lot and it sucks. He doesn't help very much with Lilly when he has work and he certainly doesn't help with anything else. I know that he's tired and not looking forward to going into work but I'm tired too. I have to take care of Lilly all day by myself. And trust me, she's one spoiled brat. She has to be held CONSTANTLY and always has to be held in a certain position that matches however she's feeling. You just have to sit there and switch positions until you find just the right one. O man I'm complaining a lot. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't perfect but the good moments make it all worth while. My daughter is a grumpy girl but she can be the happiest person on the planet. One of the funnest things that we all do together is Bran puts Lilly on his shoulders holding her up by her back and I'll jump up in her face making funny noises at her. She loves it. She will just belly laugh like CRAZY. haha She doesn't belly laugh often, she has this little chipmunk sounding laugh and it is just so cute. haha Everyone who hears it is just drawn in and can't walk away from her, till she starts crying that is and than anyone around(usually my siblings cuz of how much time I spend at my moms) just simply disappears. haha Her smile is so infectious. I live and breath for that smile. I live and breath for my family. She is so strange, she LOVES to watch people eat. Like she seriously can't wait to start eating too. I give her a little taste of just about everything I eat. And she is not a picky girl. She like a lot of stuff. She like the juice from ramen noodles, frosting, junior mints, plain milk chocolate, cookies and cream ice cream, tomato sauce from lasagna, strawberry banana shakes from iceberg, and so much more that I can't think of right now. Her favorite baby food is pears. She can't get enough of that stuff. We can often get her belly laughing when we are feeding her pears just by trying to get her to open her mouth. She loves to it when someone make her jump. When she's totally not expecting it, we'll make random loud noises and she'll jump and starting laughing. I love my little girl so much. She is the light in the darkness that guides me. :) She is the reason for every breath that I take and every step that I take. My family is my everything. I love my husband and daughter more than anything in this world and I would do anything for them. Well, I know it was mostly rambling but at least I posted. Here are some new pictures of Lilly and me and Brandon. :)

 This is my favorite picture

 Momma and Lilly

 She's off in her own world

 SMILES!! :)

 Daddy, Mommy and LillyBug

Happy family.

 Lilly in a hat.. little blurry

 My little cowgirl

 Sunglasses

 She didn't like this one

 She's got like two chins here. haha

 In the jumperoo. And so happy. :)

 WAY blurry.

 She is so cute.

 TOYS!!!

 not sure

 Dallas Cowboys fan ALL THE WAY!!

 See, she's happy to be a cowboys fan. Gosh she was so little in this pic.

Our hospital stay thus far!

It's the worst thing in the world wondering if you're baby is gonna be ok. We went to the hospital on March 3rd and they sent us home the 5th saying that it was a very mild case and that she would be ok. Well the 5th was a Saturday and we ended up going back on Sunday night because she was having a hard time breathing. I was soo upset that I wanted to find the Dr. who sent us home and kick him in the head. She has been on oxygen and her respitory rates are wayy to high. It's supposed to be between 30 and 40 and she got all it way up to 100. They have to suck out her nose and throat every couple hours and she hates it soo bad. They stick the tube about 6 inches down and slowly bring it back up. I hate watching her scream and cough and not be able to do anything about it. It sucks more than anything I've ever experienced. She has an IV in her foot and has those stickers on her chest and stomach that moniter her heart rate and lungs. When they put the IV in the very first night that we were here they were also taking blood and I had to sit there and watch as 4 Drs poked her and made her scream. I had to go out into the hall because I started bawling. I never knew how much it could hurt watching my little girl go through this and not be able to help her. She is only 3 months old, she shouldn't have to go through something like this when she is so young. I'm constantly trying to find things to do to distract myself and keep my mind off of the what ifs and the why is this happening to my little girl. I'm debating on having my in laws and my bishop come up and give her a blessing if she doesn't start doing any better. They say that God doesn't hand you anything unless he knows you can handle and I sure hope that he knows that I would not survive if I lost my little girl. I'd go into a deep depression and probably never come out again. I don't know how anybody could go through losing a child and still be ok. My heart and soul goes out to those who have had to go through it. They are a hell of a lot stronger than me. Well, I'm about to burst into tears thinking about the what ifs. Shouldn't have decided to blog. Not a good idea. Gonna go back and be with Bran and Lilly.

Everything and anything

I've never kept a blog so I keep forgetting that I have one. Haha my life is amazing. I love my family more than anything. Ever since I was little I've always fantasized about growing up and getting married and now my, dreams are finally coming true. I always wanted a little boy first but I'm so glad I got my little girl. I still want a little boy so I'm really hoping for a little boy next. I want another baby like right away but my honey wants to wait and as much as it kills me to say it, it's Probably a good idea to wait so we've made an agreement. We are going to wait until I get my cna and than we will try again while I'm in school to be an rn. Which is ok cuz I just got accepted into the yes program which is a program that will pay for me to get my GED and pay for my course to be a certified nurses assistant and they'll pay for me to get my nursing degree. So once I pass my cna course all I need to do is find someone to hire me and than we can try for number two. I'm so excited to finally be getting my life in order. Ive got an amazing husband and a beautiful daughter. And I have the most amazing family (extended family included) to support me. I just want to thank everyone for being there for me and Brandon through everything. If it w went for all of your help, we probably wouldn't be as good off as we are now. Julie, you provide us an awesome place to live and Kelsey you helped us a lot when we were up there and cindi, you would give us your last five dollars if we asked for it. Thank you guys so much. I couldn't have asked for a better family to marry into. I love you guys.

Just pictures of my LillyAnna

This is my nephew Logan holding her.

This was going home from the hospital.

 Same as above. 

This is one of my absolute favorites.

Me and my darling little girl.

haha love her faces.

Tongue. haha  

Sitting in the highchair watching tv. 

Bran wanted to get going already.

She is such a happy baby. 

She was being held my Auntie Serena below.

So sweet.

Close up!!

Smiles. haha in the outfit Aunt Kelsey and Uncle Josh got.

 She loves her little friends.

 

She loves laying with Daddy.

Still in the hospital.

My life in the last 2 months

My life has been a little hectic but I love every minute of it. We are doing great. When we took her home from the hospital we were a little scared knowing that anything could happen and there would be no nurses or drs there to help us but we got over that quick. I could be in the worst mood in the world and all it takes for me to be in a better mood is for her to smile at me. My little girl is seriously my little miracle. She has fixed my relationship with so many people in my life. Me and my dad get along better and my siblings seem to like me more. lol I think the thing that makes me the happiest is that I have this wonderful man in my life to help me every step of the way. A lot of women are on their own. So I'm thankful that I got so lucky. I love just holding my little girl and staring at her. She has the most beautiful smile in the world. I'm still waiting very impatiently for her to laugh. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love her. She is the key to my heart. I am so excited that I was so very blessed. 

LillyAnna Rae Durfey

My beautiful daughter was born today, December 14th, 2010, at 9:12 am weighing 7 lbs 12 ounces and was 20 inches long. She is the most beautiful, most perfect baby girl ever. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love my little girl. I'm so tired. I haven't slept more than 3 hours in the last 28 hours and all I wanna do is sit here with my beautiful little girl and just memorize every aspect of her face. All the pain I went through was completely worth it. I would do anything for my sweet girl. Seeing my husband with her just melted my heart even more. You can see that he feels the same way I do about her. She is going to change our lives so drastically.

My lil girl is on the way!!

So I'm sitting at LDS hospital waiting to be dilated to a 10 so I can push. It's so crazy to think I'm finally going to meet my beautiful little girl in a matter of hours. I finally get to see what color her hair is and her eyes and whose nose she got and so on and so forth. I've dreamt about this moment for months and now that it's finally here, it's just so surreal. It's been like a dream that I've just been watching from the sidelines and now it's actually time. I just can't wrap my head around it. I'm dilated to a 7.5 and efaced 90%. I'm dilating a centimeter an hour so it's only a matter of time. Well, I just wanted to say how unreal this experience is for me and how I can't believe it's really finally happening. I'm scared shitless to push. Wish me luck everyone. I will have to post pics of her the second she's born. oooohh.. I can't wait much longer. Gonna try and sleep again for a minute..